Why Etiquette Still Matters-Even in Texts and Emails

We’re living in a time where messages fly fast. A text. A Slack. A DM. An email with no greeting and a one-line demand. We’ve gotten used to cutting to the chase-but in doing that, I think we’re losing something important: basic human decency.

Just like you wouldn’t walk into someone’s home and immediately say, “Can you pass the salt?”, you shouldn’t open a message by jumping straight into a request. It might seem small, but starting with “Hope your week is off to a good start” or “Hi! How’s your day going?” signals something deeper: I see you. I respect your time. I care about our relationship.

The Little Things Aren’t So Little

Whenever I email someone for work, whether it’s a colleague, a vendor, or a client, I always start with a greeting. It’s just part of who I am. Not because I want to sound polite for the sake of politeness-but because I actually care how their day is going. It’s a small pause in a world that moves too fast.

Even when texting friends or family, I don’t just fire off a message like “Send me that thing” or “What time’s dinner?” I start with “Hey! How’s your day been?” or “Hope everything’s going well.” I know how it feels when someone only reaches out when they need something. It doesn’t feel good. It feels transactional.

What You’re Really Saying

Every time you message someone without a hello or a check-in, you’re unintentionally saying:

• “Your well-being doesn’t matter to me.”

• “I’m only here because I need something.”

• “This isn’t about connection-it’s about convenience.”

It’s like picking up the phone, skipping the “hello,” and jumping right into “Can you do this for me?” It’s jarring. And it’s not how you build strong, lasting relationships-personally or professionally.

The Research Is Clear: People Remember How You Make Them Feel

Psychologist John Gottman’s research on relationships, even in professional settings, shows that small acts of kindness and emotional attentiveness build trust and rapport over time. Emails and texts included.

Similarly, a study from the Harvard Business Review found that teams who practiced “social sensitivity”-the ability to read and respond to each other’s emotional cues-performed better, were more cohesive, and reported higher job satisfaction.

So yes, tone matters. Warmth matters. Greeting someone by name, asking how they’re doing, and showing genuine care-even in a sentence or two-makes a difference.

Being Present (Even Digitally)

Presence doesn’t always require face-to-face interaction. You can be present in a message.
You can take 15 seconds to slow down and say:

• “Hi Sam, hope you had a relaxing weekend.”

• “Just checking in—how’s everything going with that project you mentioned?”

• “Good morning! Sending good vibes for your presentation today.”

These are little moments of connection that say: I’m not just here for me. I’m here for us.

It’s Not About Perfection. It’s About Intention.

No one’s saying every email needs to read like a Hallmark card. But when you reach out, be human. Be kind. Be aware that there’s a person on the other side of the screen who, just like you, wants to feel seen and valued. In the end, the most meaningful relationships-whether at work, in friendship, or anywhere in between-aren’t built on quick asks. They’re built on mutual respect, attention, and the simple art of giving a damn. So the next time you go to hit send, pause. Ask yourself: Am I showing up with care? Or just checking off a box? You’d be surprised how much people remember the difference.