What Are You Bringing to the Table? (Because Just Showing Up Isn’t Enough Anymore)

Here’s what’s been on my mind: the older I get, the more protective I’ve become of my time, energy, and the people I choose to share them with. You can’t just show up in a friendship and expect it to thrive. You have to add value.

Now, I’m not talking about transactional friendships where everything is tit-for-tat. I’m talking about intentional friendships. The kind that last. The kind where everyone plays a role in lifting each other up, not dragging each other down. You know that one friend who always brings the vibe? The one who texts you out of nowhere to invite you over for dinner, just because? Or the one who somehow makes every group hangout feel warmer, more fun, more alive? Those are the people you want around. They bring energy, generosity, thoughtfulness-and it’s not about money or grandeur, it’s about showing up with heart.

Over time, that kind of energy becomes non-negotiable. As we grow, our inner circles shrink. Not out of spite-but out of clarity. We don’t need more people. We need meaningful people. People who add value. Recently, I started to create distance from those who were just showing up, enjoying the energy and opportunities of my circle, but not really giving anything back. More importantly-I distanced myself from what I call the “dumpers.” You know the ones. They call to complain, unload their stress, talk about how hard everything is-but never ask how you’re doing. Never offer a check-in. Never notice when you might be the one in need of a little support. Yes, it’s beautiful to be someone who listens. Who comforts. Who advises. But that emotional labor? It’s heavy. And one-sided friendships-where you’re always giving and rarely receiving-will burn you out over time.

So here’s a question What value am I bringing to my friendships? Am I someone who makes people feel seen? Am I thoughtful? Supportive? Am I the kind of friend I would want in my own life? What would happen if we all asked our closest people: “How can I be a better friend to you?” It might feel awkward at first-but the answers could change everything.

Oprah once said about her lifelong friendship with Gayle: “She is the mother I never had. She is the sister everybody would want. She is the friend that everybody deserves.” That’s what true friendship looks like. It’s showing up, yes-but also adding consistent value. Presence. Care. Loyalty. Joy.

The science backs this up. The Harvard Study of Adult Development-an 85-year-long research project-found that the single greatest predictor of long-term happiness isn’t wealth, success, or fame. It’s relationships. The quality of your close relationships is more important for your health and well-being than anything else. Think of your friendships like a bank account. You can't keep withdrawing without making deposits. Eventually, you're going to hit a deficit-and by then, it might be too late.

Friendship is a living, breathing thing. It needs care. So show up, yes-but bring something with you. Bring joy. Bring peace. Bring energy. Bring thoughtfulness. No one wants to feel like they’re just a stop on someone else’s emotional highway. We all want to be part of something that feels balanced, intentional, and real. It’s not about being perfect. It’s about showing that you care enough to try. That’s how friendships last.